Blueberry Bomb, or Why I Didn't Miss My Prom

On Saturday, my friend Michelle threw a 1980s prom at Small's. It was a star-studded, gala affair. Well, some of us were more gala than others.

I'm always up for a good costuming, but believe it or not, I did NOT make myself a full formal in the 24 hours leading up to the big dance. I managed to find a choice number at a local resale store -- bright blue, floor-length, puff sleeves, sweetheart neckline, that weird pointy-bottom bodice... A true relic. With the addition of a 20-foot long strand of faux pearls (yes, literally 20 feet; I know because I strung the whole damned thing), I was a thing to behold -- a Disney Princess, as Michelle described, only perhaps slightly debauched.

It's funny how much dressing out of one's norm can alter one's behavior. Normally I don't dance. Normally. But the combination of bubblegum music, vodka and irony was overwhelming to all but the most stoic. There was much joyful jumping about. And sweating. Ohhh the polyester.

Very near the end of the night, a couple of friends and I decided to hit last call at another joint nearby -- a joint that just happens to be a fairly scruffy gay bar on Michigan Ave. As our contingent included me in all my melting blueberry glory, our glittering prom queen (who incidentally was a 6-foot man in drag) and a former-Marine on a half-pint of absinthe, who could imagine a better place?

I'm not sure I was the only woman there (probably), but I was certainly the most visible. Right away I found myself in conversation with a couple of young men who were quite envious of my finery. "THAT is what I need for OUR prom!" one fella told me.

"Oh I think you'd look smashing in it!" I told him. And after a quick sizing by eye, refined by years of resale (no fitting room) shopping, I made him the offer. "In fact, I'll trade you for it."

"Trade me what?"

"Your clothes!"

"You wanna trade me outfits? Really? Where? How would we do that? When?"

"Oh come on, there's a bathroom here..."

So off we traipsed. In exchange for my only slight beer-soaked poofy wonder, I received an old t-shirt and paint-spattered cargo shorts. Oh, and a belt that looked like it had been used to pull a trailer. "I think I got the better end of this deal!" he said. "Well, obviously!" I responded. And it was totally worth it.

I didn't get a picture of myself in the dress -- I always forget to do that. However, I think this photo is even more precious... and sums the night up quite nicely.

Whose brain is this?

Special props to whomever can identify what is actually in that glass.

Further testing the iPhone.

Goofy
Originally uploaded by shefightslikeagirl

I already know I like taking photos with my iPhone -- my fifth now, for the record -- and I use it for a ton of stuff pretty constantly (in addition to taking stoopit pics of myself). Today I am having a look at how it works as a mobile blogging tool. I'm sure technically it's not going to be any different. But I gotta say, I'm well below my normal typing speed of around 120 wpm or so...

Skulls-n-Roses Mark II Finis!

It's a coincidence that I've made two Skulls-n-Roses dresses. I swear.

I never work with blue, though. If you asked me, I'd probably say I don't especially like the color blue. But something about this particular print appealed to me. Then when I found the plaid that melded so well, it was pretty much unavoidable.

I took a little bit of a risk with this sewing pattern -- Simplicity 3745, for the record. I knew there was a high risk that it would not look quite right on me. And I'm not sure how I do feel about how it came out; that is, how it looks on me. As always, it's better on me than on Heddy -- definitely less hausfrau-ish. Still, I'm undecided.

Now, if I wear this one out and get complimented walking down the street, well. Asked and answered.

The love of my life on a sunny Saturday.

Skulls-n-Roses Mark II

I haven't finished this yet, but I had to show off the fabric combination. Do you think they'll like it at the ro-day-oh?

Bat Glass Finale

I was so happy when I made this glass -- an etched bat glass, perfect for me (and my new love affair with wine). But alas, it came to an early, and shardy, end.

Farewell, dear bat glass. You were loved in your time.

Blue-Eyed Squid

Here's one from a couple of months ago which I hadn't posted.

During the time my bathroom was being given the workover, I was often "trapped" in the house on Saturdays. Sometimes it was an effort to find things to keep me busy... and it shouldn't come as a surprise that often that meant just finding something to make.

On one such Saturday I occupied myself improvising this squid for a friend who was one his way out of town for a couple weeks (although I doubt the squidlet went with him :( ). It's a lil bit Grimpoteuthis (dumbo octopus) and a lil bit Vampyroteuthis infernalis (vampire squid from hell). I can think of fewer combinations which would remind someone of me.

It's in a fleece with a strange print -- all those different patterns are all printed on the fleece, it's not pieced together. The printed buttons look to me like false eye spots -- you know, to fool predators. Its real eyes are stacked buttons in blue (like his).

Here's one for the people who know me.

Dorion by Bruce Beasley
Originally uploaded by Kaldoon

I discovered this photo today by Kaldoon on Flickr. It's beautiful, and the filter/effects used make it very unreal/otherworldly -- but it is, in fact, a real sculpture in a real place.

Not only is the piece quite interesting and the picture itself stunning, but those who know me will understand, in particular, why I found it so moving. (And it's not just because of the resemblance to a Klingon battle cruiser.)

Some fun facts about tractor ownership!

Did you know that it costs the same to replace the transmission in a 2006 Craftsman lawn tractor as it does to buy a new Craftsman lawn tractor? (For scale: Craftsman tractor $= Macintosh laptop $= computerized sewing machine $= week for four at Disneyland...)

Did you know that it costs approximately 3 times as much to have the oil changed in a 2006 Craftsman tractor as it does for a 2006 Honda Civic?

Both of these things -- and more! -- are upcoming, as my tractor is seriously illin'. I'm not complaining exactly. I love my Lawn Stud and am committed to keeping him spry. I'm just mildly surprised.

I've also been lately contemplating the possibility that I've inherited my mother's anti-magnetism.* She's one of those mythical creatures who can't seem to wear a watch without it dying within a day. I've never had adversarial relationships with technology -- quite the opposite -- but the past few years I've noticed something interesting.

My new 2004 RX-8? Failed dead on the road 4 times two years of ownership.

My new 2006 Civic which replaced it? Overnight in the shop several times, including a completely dead 2-year-old battery, and replacement of both front struts within the first year.

And let's talk iPhone. I got mine in October of 2007. Well, I got my first one in October. I'm on my fourth one now. #1: DOA, #2: Speaker failure, #3: Case separation, #4: Starting to act fishy.

These problems have always been quickly and warranty-edly handled by their manufacturers, dog love 'em, but it makes one wonder: Am I technically accursed?

No, it can't be. My dear Nigel has served me faithfully with very few problems (which I could not fix myself) for 5+ years now.

Oh crap. Quick, give me something wooden -- and without a battery -- to knock on!

*This may also explain the oft-puzzling nature of my interpersonal relationships.

Bat Glass

Bored, burned out and generally disgusted, "making" is such a part of my routine that if I go too long without, it just makes me feel worse. When I can't get my shit together to do much of anything else, sometimes the best thing to do is something quick and easy, just to get my hands involved.

Acid glass etching is very satisfying. Out of my cheap set of wine glasses, I wanted to set one apart as mine. So now I have a bat glass.

Why make a batik surgical mask?

Because.

I'd show the pleated details, but it's much more interesting in context.

The return of Spring.

The return of mild weather means the return of outdoor photos and the return of the Saturday Dress.

Oh this one was a treat to try to photograph. Have you gone crosseyed?

I've never worked with gingham before -- and maybe someone can tell me the proper name for this fabric with the little poufs of thread ends dispersed regularly throughout -- but I'm a sucker for patterns and this one was calling my name loud and clear from the clearance rack. It's light and flowy and in a dark enough navy to pass for black.

This was Friday after work. I had Saturday evening plans (which may or may not have involved a mechanical bull), so I picked up a couple of yards, surprising myself that I managed to start planning a whole 12+ hours in advance. Time to wash, dry and even iron the fabric before getting started Saturday early afternoon. (There is no such thing as Saturday morning at House of SFLAG.)

Sewing has made me a fan of dresses like nothing else could. I chose a pattern I already had, Butterick 5030 (view C), a pretty little number in a shape I think flatters me. I didn't realize initially that it's a wrap dress, but that's a good thing. Gives me a little flexibility in the chest region. I love the fluttery sleeves and the gathers across the front shoulders.

I'd say I got started around noon and finished the whole thing sometime before 9. It's a very simple dress, but as I've said before, I'm not the fastest stitcher. I don't rush myself, so there are a lot of breaks, a lot of screwing around, some singing and dancing, 50-90 emails, glass after glass of iced tea (leading to glass after glass of wine, typically). But get this: I did no modifications. What's wrong with me? I made the dress just like I was supposed to, according to the directions. (Except the lower hem. I skipped encasing the top edge and just folded it up and sewed. But look! No bias tape!) So I don't really have much else to say about it.

I did wear it with the red belt shown in the photo, along with black footless tights and metallic silver ballet flats. After a night that turned out to be, blissfully, a lot longer than I expected, both the dress and I survived.

Christopher Hitchens

Just in case there is anyone left whom I didn't tell... I met Christopher Hitchens last week.

He debated his brother, Peter, at the Fountain Street Church in Grand Rapids (and what a place that is). At the book signing after the event, Christopher was fairly intrigued by my name (which I'd written on a Post-it so he could personalize God is Not Great with the correct spelling) and gave me his best doe-eyes while the stranger in line behind me snapped this photo for me. (Actually, this picture was taken after the one where Hitchens is kissing my cheek. Ahem.)

Honestly, I could go on and on about the event, but I'm betting that most of the good people who read this blog wouldn't really care to hear it. (Although there is a post in the offing about the custom iron-ons I made for the shirt I am wearing in this photograph. A little more this blog's speed.) Unless you DO care to hear it, in which case email me, and I'll prattle happily.

Or, if you prefer, you can watch the simulcast of the event on Youtube, without my uneducated commentary.

Hmm. I'm considering whether I need to retouch this photo a little. I look quite red in it, but I think I actually WAS quite red in that moment. Christopher Hitchens had just kissed me after all.

New website things!

I've been putzing around with Google's features/tools -- several of which I use daily -- and have decided to integrate a couple of things into SFLAG. The one or two people who read this may or may not have noticed a couple of new things in the RH navigation pane: First, hopefully, you've discovered that I have my own domain now (and yes I am master of same). Beyond that, the newest additions are "Things Happening" which takes you to my (public) calendars and, lower down, my "Things from the Aggregator" which are items I've flagged for sharing from my RSS feeds.

That's it. Just working on my nerd cred and doing my best to make shefightslikeagirl.com your one-stop SFLAG shop.

Infamous Light Shade

Infamous Light Shade

This is one of the photos from the auction, by the way. If anyone has a 24" version of this pattern lying around, I can take it off your hands for you. As long as you PACK IT properly and ship UPS.

Screw FedEx

This is completely off the topic of most of my posts here, but I gotta get this off my chest (and into the public).

I've been in the unfortunate throes of a small bath remodel which has become a monster. After many problems and disappointments, one thing I splurged on was a pair of vintage channel glass light fixtures which I found as new old stock on ebay. They are big and beautiful and in a great color for my (overwhelmingly) green new bath, and there were TWO of them, which was significant. I was so enthusiastic (for once) that I went the Buy It Now route and paid the full asking price, because I wanted to make sure I got the pair.

After about a week and a half, I was delivered a big box of shattered glass. I was heartbroken. I had already been convinced that this project was cursed, and this certainly didn't help. My only comfort was that the shipper had insured the package for the full amount. Because of this, I went ahead and had my contractor move the electrical boxes from their over-the-mirror position to the lower side spots appropriate for the new fixtures. Because I knew this was going to be resolved. It was INSURED after all.

I called FedEx to put my claim in motion. The recipient of the package can't make the claim. It doesn't matter that I'm the one who paid for the broken item. Or that I received it. The only thing they could do for me was allow me to make an appointment for FedEx to come and pick up the box of shattered glass to confirm that it was, indeed, a box of shattered glass. Which they picked up, inspected, confirmed and REDELIVERED to me.

The seller is being uncooperative. He is now not answering the phone. The insurance on the package apparently makes no difference, except that the SELLER can make a claim against it and get my money twice, I guess. FedEx is doing nothing on the claim. As far as they are concerned, it's "closed" since the seller/shipper is not responding to their requests for contact.

Long story short (too late!) I will never voluntarily use FedEx. Not that I did THIS time either, and not that I can say that UPS would behave any differently.

Oh also? Ebay and PayPal have been equally useless. Ebay's dispute policy is apparently to send a finger-shaking email to the seller exhorting him to get in touch with me. PayPal? They give you 45 days to file a dispute, and when you do, they say "make sure you give it enough time!" Not only did I do that, I gave him additional time because, in the early days of this dispute, he claimed to be looking in his stock for another glass shade, which he was going to send as a replacement. (What he did send me was another box of shattered glass -- of the wrong size -- which I received last week. How stupid of me not to jump to the immediate conclusion and call out the dogs IMMEDIATELY.) It has now been 55 days since I paid.

Now it escalates to my credit card company. Two years ago when my wallet was stolen, Chase handled it like professionals. We'll see what they do with this. (I'd have called THEM today, too, but, uh, my wallet is in my other jacket. Seriously. And yes, Jim, I'll have that $6 tomorrow, I promise.)

And then the tentacles come.

Sometimes everything just seems to be going wrong.

And then you make a squid. :)

Then you take a kind of terrible picture of it on your poor cat, vow you'll take a better picture of it tomorrow, accidentally blow the levels out in Photoshop, decide it looks kind of cool, then post it anyway.

Yay squid!

In case you're wondering, the body is giant-inspired, but the fins are more Humboldt. I also realize that the eyes should be oriented 90° around the collar, but I like it this way, so thanks for not mentioning it.

The Hood

If there's any question why I (still) live in Michigan, this should provide at least part of the answer.

This is literally my neighborhood.

ETA: Not that I'm all that fucking thrilled about it either.

Caution! Wild Animals!

This is a project I am very proud of, even if it did take me months to complete. Granted, several of those months involved the shirt being forgotten under a pile of other projects...

Some time ago, I bought this pattern, Butterick 4188. As much as I like it, for some reason, I decided to modify the front. (Something to do with a genetic inability to do things the way instructed.) I scanned the tissue pieces and voodooed the front panels in Adobe Illustrator to allow the insertion of -- you guessed it -- a zipper. I found a very nice dark teal woven (which the cutter at Joann suggested be my "signature" color because apparently it goes well with my coloring) and, uh, some King Kong flannel in the children's department. Oh who am I kidding? It all started with the King Kong flannel.

I cut all the pieces out and then somehow they wound up under my "mend" pile. I think I was afraid to build it, actually, because of the huge modification. But then the Dirty Show was coming up and, as usual, I decided the two rooms full of clothing I already had simply were not good enough. With that mend pile as high as it was, I dug through it to see if there was something I could finish rather than starting something new. That's when I refound the shirt.

As usual, the coloring in the photo doesn't do the piece justice. The zipper is a pale lavender and that lettering is a nice bright orange.

After a couple of dedicated evenings, it all came together. And amazingly, it fit. But the resolution brought with it another question: What exactly does one wear with a teal King Kong detailed shirt? Why, a teal King Kong detailed skirt, naturally.

This one was a lot easier to figure. I started with Simplicity 5914, a simple gored skirt, and decided to insert Kong-patterned piping to pull it together. Of course, I've never made piping, but part of the pleasure of sewing, to me, is building the skillset. I know that I could sew for the rest of my natural life and never reach the limits of the techniques other people have mastered for centuries. But I love the learning, so wherever plausible, I like to add to my repertoire.

Turns out, piping is pretty easy. In fact, I see a lot more piping in my future.

I wore the outfit to the Dirty Show with a pair of tights which were a slightly lighter shade of teal and black ankle boots with bows. (I almost wore dark red patent leather heels for the contrast, but was talked out of it at the last minute.) This time I think the testimony to the success of the outfit is the fact that very few people mentioned it. I makes me a little paranoid when people immediately ask me "oh did you make that?" Why, does it look like some hack stitcher sewed it?? This time around the couple of comments I did get were about how cute the Kong detail fabric was. So I was happy. Naturally, today's pictures are after I've worn it, so it looks a little wonky on the dummy because of the creases and whatnot, blahblah excusescakes.